Anniversary of Charlotte’s death–letter to friends

charlotte-tractorBelow is a copy of what I posted on Facebook on August 17,2013.  It was the day before the anniversary of my daughter Charlotte’s death which is a painful day, second only to her birthday, for me.

Nine years ago on August 18 I woke up to a crisp, sunny morning just like this. I got the children ready for camp but my middle child was not feeling well. I kept her home. Six hours and a trip to the emergency room later she had died From a high fever that was unexplained in its origin. Tomorrow is the anniversary of nine years from her death.

Grief is not linear–it moves in different directions on our emotional spectrum. The most obvious and easy of the emotions to access are sorrow and anger for me. At this moment I feel neither of those although I know they will come in cycles at some point in the next 24 hours. Right now I am back in the disbelief. The disbelief that my beautiful healthy young child basically vaporized nine years ago. Disbelief that it could’ve been happened to her, to our family, to me.

She was a beautiful girl and full of life. I’m sorry you did not meet her. On these days of extreme emotion I often find I am at a loss for words and mere feeling. Both will return in time.

Thank you to you, my friends and my family–close and acquaintance. Each of your presence in my life has made a difference. Each of you has made a difference by liking, commenting, sharing, responding or interacting to many of my posts over the last years and for sharing yours with me. Periodic glimpses into your world have made a big difference to me as has being able to share my experience with you–not just the sorrow but also the humor that has gotten me through. Many of your comments and feedback have influenced the pages of my book. It won’t be released for another year but it has been an enormously cathartic process in it’s writing for me. t’s a funny Facebook world out there. I am glad to be a part of it and I am thankful to have you a part of my facebook world.

Charlotte loved pink and had a great flair for her own sense of fashion. If you feel inspired to wear something pink today or tomorrow please do. And if you see somebody wearing pink on the street maybe have a thought about my sweet angel moving amongst us with her golden hair and green eyes paying a visit to us mere mortals.